Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.

Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray".

Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

Have your next-door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".

Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day then have her make you stand in the backyard at 6am and read it to you.

Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours, and hang a sign on the door that reads "Secured-contact OA division at X-3053".

Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you to leave your house before 3 pm.

Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home...you can't leave until the next day, you have duty.

Shower with above-mentioned friends.

Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher Operator, Blender Technician, etc.).

Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.

Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly "lighted off".

Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not. (Now sweepers, start your brooms, clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all shit cans over the fantail)

Repaint your entire house once a month.

Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

Install a fluorescent lamp under the coffee table and then get under it and read books.